I recently wrote this blog post about power posing and the beneficial effects it has. If you haven’t read it, don’t worry. In short, power posing for a few minutes before stressful or important events has a great effect on you, so it’s worth learning.
The main problem is how to get away with power posing without looking like a weirdo. Power posing isn’t so well known that you can just tell people that you’re “bustin’ out a few power poses” (believe me, I’ve tried), because it sounds even weirder. No, the key is camouflage; disguising your power posing to fit in with everyday acceptable behaviours. If you can do that, you’ll never have to explain your stance again.
After some careful consideration (3 minutes 21 seconds), I’ve come up with ten ways that enable you to conceal your awesome power posing, so that no-one will suspect anything…
Let’s start with the basic “Wonder woman” power pose:
I. Do it in bed. Lying under the sheets gives you perfect opportunity to do this kind of power pose. It also guarantees you about 90% of the bed, and the confidence you get from the pose will come in handy for the subsequent divorce.
2. Get a small child (or create your own) and power pose near the child. If someone spots you, immediately break out into the “I’m a little teapot” song and actions. 10 bonus points if you manage to integrate this pose anywhere into the song:
3. Dress up as Wonder Woman or Superman, depending on your gender and/or bravery, and go into work posing. When people confront you about it not being fancy dress day at work, accuse them of being racist against people from Krypton and mutter something about complaining to “Kal-El”.
4. Carry two massive melons under each arm and hold a bag of spuds between your thighs at all times.
Here’s Oprah and Mick doing some more classic power poses:
5. To employ Mick Jagger’s wide spread technique, get a job as a curtain fitter and forget your tape measure every single day.
6. Or get a job as a shelf stacker at supermarkets with really high shelves. Start at Lidl (beginner) and work your way up to Cost Co (advanced).
7. To go with the Oprah Winfrey’s “hands behind the head” pose, always carry drugs about your person and get arrested a lot. The handcuffs and frisking are extra freebies.
Here’s another power pose:
8. To employ the Alan Sugar boardroom power pose, apply liberal amounts of glue to your hands before touching your desk. If you’re long term goals include staying at your present office, use super glue.
And one last one:
9. For the relaxed “my to do list is completely empty” power pose above, get a job that comes with an executive chair, a desk and a small amount of work, such as being in charge of Jeremy Hunt’s fan mail.
10. Or, just spray liberal amounts of cheap deodorant under your armpits straight after shaving them with a blunt razor.
Heads up to Jonty for inspiring this post.