On Saturday I spent three hours performing as a close up magician at two separate events. Before you accuse me of having it far too easy, here’s what my day actually looked like:
6:00 – Got up.
7:30 – Set off for 220 mile journey to the Fennes Estate in Essex for a corporate event.
7:31 – Put Limp Bizkit CD on.
7:32 – Realise that I’m 37, I hate Limp Bizkit and put on Radio 4.
11:00 – Arrive at venue for event.
12:30 – Do magic things for 2 hours, including a card trick on a bouncy castle (don’t ask).
14:30 – Athletically* leap back into car for another 220 mile drive, this time to the Marriott Hotel in Worsley.
18:30 – Arrive at 2nd venue.
19:30 – Begin performing more card tricks – a wedding reception for 18 people.
19:45 – A 90 year old lady informs me that the secret to longevity is constant sex.
19:46 – I calculate I will die before I’m 50.
20:33 – Athletically crawl to car and drive home while promising self not to stop at McDonald’s.
21:10 – Stopped at McDonald’s.
21:12 – Remember I’m on the Slimming World diet and if I eat anything here, as I might as well be eating a bucket full of lard.
21:13 – Mmmmmmm…..lard.
22:30 – Arrive home.
22:31 – Contemplate getting a proper job or only doing gigs within a 5 mile radius of my house.
* yeah, right.